Have You

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heartgirl14
heartgirl14
12 Followers

Have You

Have you...
Ever become nauseated with anticipation of seeing those eyes
Or changed clothing twelve times to create that look to light up his face?
Found yourself giddy with delight being in the same room.
Have you...
Ever felt heartbeats pound in unison as arms embraced entangled bodies?
Become engrossed into that silent stare that whispered a thousand I-love-yous?
Tenderly danced cheek to cheek, chest to chest, hips to hips, thighs to thighs on a humid summer's eve?
Have you...
Ever stared out of the window on a rainy day until the raindrops on the glass evolve into the teardrops on your cheek
Or found yourself staring at the phone impatiently checking the ringer, making sure you haven't missed that call
Unable to move from bed all day, because all of your energy was spent on wondering WHY?
Have you...
Ever known if given the chance you would make it last forever
And spent days upon days wondering if that chance would ever come
Wondered if that piercing pain that comes with every breath will only cease when the heartbeat is no longer?
Have you...
Ever loved?

heartgirl14
heartgirl14
12 Followers
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2 Comments
CleardaynowCleardaynowalmost 10 years ago
Excellent

I was really struck by this poem.

My take is that the physical and logical structure you use within the prosy style is excellent and refreshing. It lifts the sentiments and pictures from what could easily be cheesy into something beautiful and thought provoking. You often create phrases and images that are striking in an area heavily mined with cliché. You achieve a voice or persona that is very strong in the poem.

Overall, in the few months that I have been submitting and reading poems on this site, this is the best first poem I have seen submitted. Like Todski I look forward to seeing more from you. Incidentally, Tod always wants writers to cut bits from their poems - I shudder to think what that says about his personal fetishes.

todski28todski28almost 10 years ago
hmm

these thoughts of longing and searching are written in a plaintive pleading tone, that comes across as a realistic outpouring, you could probably drop some of the repetitions, and restructure it to tighten up the line lengths, which in my opinion would give you a tighter focused poem.

a 3 from me, would like to see something else, thanks for the read,