heavy waiting

Waiting, as always,
The ring of a phone
A cold voice, distant, male,
An airport arrival, 8:15
Pick her up if you can
The tingles begin

Racing, roaring
130 miles in record time
The gate looms
Standing in childish anticipation
She is home
Life is livable once more

Distantly a whispered word
Caution, not so fast
I see her face
Doer, angry, cold
She nears me and I feel her eyes
Dangers, hatred is real

Instantly, the question appears
From the part of me that seeks oblivion
Are we ok?
Cold words with no pity
I found someone
It is over

I retrace my journey
Faster than the new record
Pits of purgatory rip at my belly
Her scent fills my senses
Rancid now
Waited time, meaningless

I intrude now where once I was home
Sleep in solitude in distant places
Hear life go on but I am ignored
Imprisoned in Her world
Dependent for a time, isolated
Hated.

The last day came
Went
Not an event
No record kept
No farewell, no platitudes
A thief’s exit
Silent

It is acknowledgement I seek
I am here, my mind screams
See me
Care
See the torment you caused
But blind eyes never see
And love sometimes goes unfelt