High Again

All alone, sitting in the dark-
No one is watching.
How did I get here?
It’s too late to turn back.
Nothing but the whir of a faraway train
Your footsteps, my heartbeat
Beating, beating, racing, anticipating.

I’m dizzy

Filling my lungs, inhaling the cloud
That trails behind you of incense and pine
That lingers on my hair you brushed with your hands
Your hands
Your fingers, twirling your locks
Twirling
Grasping for something to occupy
Your fingers exploring your skin
Dancing naked to a rhythm of their own
Dancing
Always moving, always searching
Never settling
Twisting, twirling, writhing
I’m tongue tied, I’m watching
I’m staring, I’m frozen
The streetlight catches your eyes
I catch a glimpse in the glare
Of the silken folds of your garment

I’m flying

My feet lose contact with the ground
My thoughts lose contact with the surroundings
Your voice floats on the air
Soothing, shocking
Hypnotizing
I can almost reach you
Higher, higher, almost, closer

Crossing one line, blurring another
Should we give in and touch each other?

Come a little closer
We’re not finished, we haven’t even started
Bring your face just a little bit closer...

Crash.
Opening my eyes to see
You’re already gone
In a puff of smoke
I’ve nowhere to go but down
Desperately trying to hold onto that feeling
As it slips further and further away
Replaying like clockwork on the hour
Recreating the circumstances
The way the air felt
The way her hair smelled
The way the train
Like my lips
Came closer and closer to an uncertain destination
But the lights are dimmer
The voices are weaker
Her features are less defined
She fades away into the not so immediate past
One fleeting moment
That stretches on into eternity in my mind alone.
Does she even remember? Was she ever really there?

Crossing one line, blurring another,
Why didn’t we give in and touch each other?

Come a little closer
We’re not finished, we never even started
Bring your face just a little bit closer...

Blurring, blurring, fading, merging
Peer around the corner of the tracks
To see what could have, should have
Would have
Might have been
Maybe not in consciousness
But in that dream where I wake
With heart pulsing and breath in rasping heaves
Lips quivering
Something inside of me remembers
My body, deep down, inside out, has its own memory
But I want to remember completely. I want to feel.
Exactly as it was.
Or almost was.

I want. I need. I want. I need.

I need you inside of me.
I need you pumping through my veins.
I need electricity to flow through my body
Making my limbs shoot out in spasms
And my thighs go weak, unable to hold the weight of my body.

I need it. I’ll get it. I need it. I’ll get it.

Just one more fleeting glance
Enough to sustain me
By accident, by chance.
Pursuit isn’t effort
When life hangs in the balance.
You are the last thread.
You hold the power.
You hold the scissors.

Cut. Cut. Cut.

Help me

I’m falling

Down
Down
Down

Help me

I’m burning

Pull me back out, back up
I need to feel alive.
I need to feel to survive
So I can fly again.
I need to feel you
Before I’m high again.