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Click hereI stare into a space
and space is forgotten.
No room for my distress
cluttering up my floor
in this empty flat space
into which I stare.
And when I leave this room
shall I take with me
that which I see most
in my flat lost space
- my desire staring back at me
Loss of desire ~ lack of will - should I take desire with me - or cast it aside.
That 'flat lost space' might not be such a good phrase at first glance,
But look at how much better it works with that last line;
Makes it a bigger kicker.
12 says that lost may take you in a different direction. My problem with lost is the way it sounds in that line. Flat/lost is not an appealing combo. Those words side by side sound like a thud. Since you repeat flat, you could also repeat empty. Flat, empty space. It has a better sound, though it may change the meaning.
Yes, much ado over a word. :)
I am uncomfortable with the word "lost" here, it seems to take it in a direction you may not want.
"in my flat lost space"