- Non-Erotic Poetry
- @home
Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click here
I stare into a space
and space is forgotten.
No room for my distress
cluttering up my floor
in this empty flat space
into which I stare.
And when I leave this room
shall I take with me
that which I see most
in my flat lost space
- my desire staring back at me
- COMMENTS
duddle146over 17 years agoLoss of desire ~ lack of will - should I take desire with me - or cast it aside.
LeBrozover 17 years agoThat 'flat lost space' might not be such a good phrase at first glance,
But look at how much better it works with that last line;
Makes it a bigger kicker.
WickedEveover 19 years ago12 says that lost may take you in a different direction. My problem with lost is the way it sounds in that line. Flat/lost is not an appealing combo. Those words side by side sound like a thud. Since you repeat flat, you could also repeat empty. Flat, empty space. It has a better sound, though it may change the meaning.
Yes, much ado over a word. :)
twelveooneover 19 years agoI am uncomfortable with the word "lost" here, it seems to take it in a direction you may not want.
"in my flat lost space"
