I See

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wakingDown
wakingDown
653 Followers

I see a world forged in havoc and shaped by greed
Colored from an abattoir and textured with broken bone
Peopled with excerpts from an encyclopedia of cowards and boogeymen
Set to spin in a universe not quite willing to abandon its living physics
To commit suicide in an Absolute Zero heat death
And the reality-wide sub-atomic collapse that would provide
Giving sweet Void back its rightful crown

wakingDown
wakingDown
653 Followers
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3 Comments
AngelineAngelineover 10 years ago
Very interesting and a different structure for you

it's really powerful with a wonderful flow and interesting language. I'm not sure whether the structure you've chosen is helping or not. My sense is it would be better if it were either more shaped or if some of the individual lines didn't run over (though that, I guess, is a result of the submissions box margins). Either way it's excellent writing. :-)

LesseloovesPeterLesseloovesPeterover 10 years ago

Sounds like you see more clearly than most.

Ashesh9Ashesh9over 10 years ago
Om Shanti

Om .......Amen

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