- Non-Erotic Poetry
- In Spain
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Click here“Faster, faster!” you shouted at the
toiling donkey straining at the hill.
You were 3 or 4 and we laughed, as parents do,
at our budding bully.
We still have the pint-sized flamenco dress
and the castanets and the fan over which
you already knew to bat your eyes: because
children practice all their lives to be adults,
and sometimes they succeed.
- COMMENTS
twelveooneover 13 years agothere is something I don't like about the last line - it seems too pat.
L1 - ending at "the".
I know, I know - niggling SOB; but you got a 100
vrosej10over 13 years agoI think this is great but the reason that pint-sized sticks out, is because it is a cliche in an otherwise solid poem. You are a better writer than that. I do love this though.
GuiltyPleasureover 13 years agoThis is a sweet snapshot of a child's delight, very visually evocotive. My only gripe is the use of "pint-sized" which seemed out of place somehow. I particularly like the finishing lines.
Tess
