It's All Pretend

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I'm sneaking around,
closing doors in an empty house
because I know it's wrong-

they said so at the church
that I never went to-
but my best friend did,
and I guess she gave it to me like
she passed on the chicken pox.

But the thing is,
I want him/you,
and neither of you are here
except in my head-
which isn't what I mean at all.

And none of that matters,
only my hand right there-
and touching just like that -
and even here, alone,
I can't say those words out loud.

But that's okay,
it's all pretend anyway.

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AngelineAngelineabout 16 years ago
It's a good start

but I feel like some critical information is missing, and it's keeping me from really getting the point of your poem. You say a lot about what you don't mean and there are a few pronouns ("it," "him/you") that seem to be standing in for a story that isn't coming across to the reader. And yet I can tell there's much going on in this poem: it just needs to be approached more directly. Again, just my opinion, but I do think some rethinking and editing could bring this poem up to the promise it seems to hold. Your poem has been recommended in the New Poems Review thread on Literotica's Poetry Feedback and Discussion forum.

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