- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Just a Chaotic Love Poem
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The drive is long and hot.
Hours steal the day.
Leaves fall on the curb.
Dead trees grab.
Big yellow eyes warn.
There is beauty here.
The walk is short and slow.
Minutes steal the hours.
The girl. His girl.
It's been thirty years.
She is ill.
Lonely.
A beauty they need.
The climb is steep and hard.
Seconds steal the minutes.
Pictures smile above the landing.
Fresh flowers in the den.
Fear.
Beauty walks and walks the walk that has taken so long.
The fall is swift and painful.
Time stops.
She wakes, or was she awake?
They hug and cry.
Cry for the babies they did not have.
Cry for lost time.
Cry.
Time.
Beauty is free.
Cry Cry Cry.
A voice whispers.
You Okay.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Go away.
- COMMENTS
UnderYourSpellalmost 13 years agoI think this needs pulling together more but you definitely get the feelings and sorrow over as is
buttersalmost 13 years agoin ways confusing and profound
you took me on a journey. for that it's a solid 5.
that last line - heartbreaking, beautiful, wonderful.
ishtatalmost 13 years agoNothing to add to GMT's comments.
But it's not too smart to put up two poems with similar titles next to each other. The first poem has 50% more views than the second, probably because readers either casually thought they had already read it or not liking the first maybe just skipped the second... or something else altogether!
greenmountaineeralmost 13 years agoThis is great:
The climb is steep and hard.
Seconds steal the minutes.
Pictures smile above the landing.
Fresh flowers in the den.
Fear.
The line stops IMO would have worked even better here if you hadn't done so much of the same in the other stanzas. With more enjambment in those stanzas, a better rhythm would have been achieved, and the end stops in the above stanza would have been a nice variation where I think the images and words are most powerful, although the last stanza is good too as is.
twelveoonealmost 13 years agoHow can you write at a time like this? Best of luck. I wish you happiness.
See you when you get back.
When your head is on.
