Just to See You

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139 words
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susansnow
susansnow
42 Followers

The eagle and the cormorant. Their gentle tremors of confusion when the body outwits the mind. Part metal and part wood. I have nothing better to do than to be where I am. I need a new job. I thought to send a check and maybe some socks. I want to give it all up just to see you walking in slow motion toward me with the blast behind you. You shook my faith. I need mouth to mouth or a shot of adrenaline. I tripped over the star of life stuck webbed in reflective tape and surgical scissors. My medical chart is an etch-a-sketch, this straight jacket has bound down my wings. I cannot recognize my own body anymore. My hands are thin and cold. I wake in need of things I cannot procure. I miss you.

susansnow
susansnow
42 Followers
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3 Comments
susansnowsusansnowalmost 11 years agoAuthor
Angeline,

I've been experiementing with this prose style for a few years. I love blocks of text and alternating the use of long and short sentences to create movement in a piece. Most of it is rambling, in all fairness, but I'm really glad that people appreciate it.

AngelineAngelinealmost 11 years ago
Gave this a five

because as Harry says this is an interesting poem with lots going on. It feels telescopic to me. As the lines unfold there is an sense of progression that moves logically to that last line. I don't think this piece grabs me or has the shock value that I have experienced in other poems you've posted. Also this may be one example where the prose structure works against the theme. Have you explored other structures, I wonder? But that is just one opinion offered respectfully. :-)

HarryHillHarryHillalmost 11 years ago
Susan, reading this style is like searching through a junk drawer

where there is always something interesting found