Kevin, in 1994

One night,
he called in tears,
about to use his gun
to take his life -
and I wanted to help.

He never made a move on me, unwanted,
never did anything
unless it pleased me.

Blue eyes, so lost
behind his glasses,
some sort of person there,
hidden in a larger frame
of football days long gone.

What was it he told me?

Something about my face...
when I am really unhappy,
the world should just stay away,
but when I'm happy,
my smile can brighten the whole room.

There was that one thing
about love, future, marriage.

After that,
there was some woman
from Chicago to move in with him,
but then she decided not to -
no one ever met her.

Or how about the trophies
he said he threw in a lake
for competitions he swore he won -
all impossible, all fantasies.

And the offer he had for a job
making six figures, too,
that he said he refused
due to his need for integrity.

He also said,
"You'll be like wine,
and age will improve you."
While his hands
did the impossible,
and made me want more
than he ever gave.

Always followed by a week
when he would disappear
from work, from home,
and from me.

On, off, off, off, on,
until I finally had enough,
and disappeared on him.