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Click hereIt kissed my lips
the cum
my cum
coaxed from my body
by a nude redhead
kneeling over me
in porcelain submission
pushing my sweater
above my navel
the ringmaster
for my performance
the inspiration
for my opus
the audience
to my debut
my body groaned
and shook
as the cum
my cum
escaped my veins
propelled itself
in a magnificent
trajectory
through the air
landing softly
on my lips
This is creation
nothing could taste
more perfect
as the redhead
touched her hands
to her mouth
stunned by the
display
the cum
my cum'
caressing my lips
in erotic baptism
then — recovering, regretting —
she whispered through the dark,
"damn, that would have felt good."
Interesting. I think you could bring more emotion into this piece through language choices. There's a writing exercise where you rewrite something already written but say it with different words. This might be a good candidate for that.
Except I think I would have felt wierd. But then I'm maybe too damn hung up anyway and it does actually belong in her, right? Last line was great.