knowing

still wishing every day
that i might awaken with the forgetfulness that plagues me on the one hand
and mocks me on the other
wishing for one single day of peace
the peace of not knowing you exist

of not knowing your voice moves me like no other
its rich velvet timbers racing along my spine
not knowing your golden eyes, so beautiful when alight with humor,
can casually caress my body with your gaze
and without intent or awareness,
of the power you have over me,
can, literally, cause my heart to miss beats

knowing your power, barely contained, under that fine muscled surface
could hold me fiercely, protect me,
tenderly, cherish me,
passionately, consume me,
knowing that your full lipped mouth
could whisper words that transport me
or caress my body sensuously, if you would only choose to do so

knowing that you would rather fear me than use me
knowing that you would rather eat cotton candy than peaches
knowing that i have a lifetime of warm sultry summer nights without you
knowing that it seems impossible for any other to touch the core of me
because you own it; even without desiring it, you placed your mark upon my soul
knowing that even in the midst of unending, sometimes unendurable pain and longing
my haunting desire for you is preferable to not knowing