- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Koutsounari Is Not Ablaze Anymore
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Click hereLEMONIA / (F)LIP EDELTRAUD => UNHOLY ECHO DA LONTANO
AVRA
SUNDAY EVENING
21/7/2013
KOUTSOUNARI IS NOT ABLAZE ANYMORE
With my heart in this depression,
And all around me this recession,
Koutsounari is not ablaze anymore,
It is just a lonely summer on this shore.
Endless evenings on this bay,
Always planning to go away,
Koutsounari has become the darkest place,
Anywhere I may look, I see your face.
STYLE MODULATION
Koutsounari is not ablaze anymore,
You just saw it when it was full of light,
Koutsounari is just a place of hard core,
Edeltraud is the heroine tonight.
Koutsounari is a village on its own,
But the tourists may think it's a sea shore,
Edeltraud's love affairs, so far unknown,
When you speak they want to know more and more.
Composition of a story is an art,
But at least I have the art to go with,
You will read it and if you're that fucking smart,
You'll do nothing but believe in your own myth.
Koutsounari is a place of love making,
Me and you are just each other overtaking,
Koutsounari is inhabited by gods,
As a candidate you class amongst the broads.
Koutsounari Broadway is full of light,
Edeltraud is guest-starring for tonight,
But I'm not the one that's willing to confess,
That the end of it will be a fucking mess.
Overtaking each other it's ok,
Only don't you tell me you have come to stay,
All you want from me is my prestigious prick,
So untiring, so merciless, so Greek.
All you ever wanted it was a good fuck,
So on that account you had all the lack,
Cause I tried like you to have the same,
Having tought you first the name of the game.
But the name of the game since you've learnt,
You presumed that all your values you have earned,
It was not correct, of that you can be sure,
Koutsounari has a colour blue azure.
In that colour we two went for a swim,
When you really felt, "My God! I do love him!"
When you knew that no one else could love you more,
Koutsounari, is your heart's wild hard core.
Koutsounari is not ablaze anymore,
In its darkness I have lived with you before,
We two have been some times its night life,
But we were just like a husband and a wife.
Long ago are all these things that we could test,
In this life let us try to do our best,
And if that's your best, I will have no complain,
So, for you the smile and for me the pain.
- COMMENTS
pelegrinoover 10 years agoAuthorthanks for the comments. I consider them constructive and they are taken onboard. On the other hand I feel quite happy with rhymes, (after all they are meant to be set to music), and this is a whole saga, the saga of "Edeltraud", which I started in rhyme and that's how I will carry on. I Have not published in Literotica but songs out of this saga.
As for ex-lovers, never mind attacking them verbally. Give them hell, I say, if that's how you feel. All explanations are in the songs themselves.
Cleardaynowover 10 years agoThere are some nice thoughts and lines. In particular I liked
"Koutsounari is not ablaze anymore,
It is just a lonely summer on this shore."
However, I think this poem would be much better and clearer if you had not gone for near universal rhyme. It would have been an amazing achievement to have had this much rhyme and still maintained sense and flow. The trouble is that some rhyme words look forced, losing sense and sometimes in getting the word in the flow falters.
Poems attacking or bemoaning an ex partner are difficult as they can so easily fall into self pity or diatribe, neither of which are appealing. I was pleased that mostly you avoided these.
I liked reading it.
