Limerick Set 018 - Just Funny!

There was a shoe salesman named Mister Boots,
Who'd startle his customers with his hoots.
It was one part of his disguise,
So noone would get a surprise,
When he'd let one of his really loud toots!

A bald-headed old geezer named Curley,
Was still a big man and to damned burley.
And everyone gave him wide berth,
But not just because of his girth,
It was because the old fart was squirrely!

A wild young Ranny rode his hoss to town,
He tried to look real mean and wear a frown.
But when all the shootin' started,
He ran outside and departed,
And left town with his britches stained all brown!

A diver walked out on the diving board,
And did a perfect dive in sweet accord.
He made many dives without plunks,
And with each dive he lost his trunks,
Cause the cheap suit was all he could afford!

The people at Jim's funeral felt sad,
Cause they all knew Jim had been a good lad.
But they didn't think Jim funny,
When he smiled at them so sunny,
Jim scared them so much they wet themselves bad!

A fella named Jack lived down in Texas,
And he found a way to live with Mexes.
He'd feed them some hot chile' beans,
Til the smoke rolled out of their jeans,
And he'd laugh at their cheek's rapid flexes!

A Brit named Allan loved to drink his tea,
And claimed it always made him feel so free.
But one thing Allan had to do,
Was always rush off to the "Loo,"
Then bitch because it always made him pee!

A friend named Mike from down Australia way,
Would take his sheep for a stroll every day.
He taught them all to harmonize,
But one day he got a surprise,
Instead of hearing "Baas" he heard them "Bray!"

Jim was a writer on the local rag,
He never told a lie and didn't brag.
The one subject that made him mad,
Was one he disapproved of bad,
He'd never write about a Queer or Fag!!

Tarzan was swinging through the trees one day,
When his hands slipped and he fell plumb away.
His butt hit the ground with a thump,
And he groaned "Me think me bust rump,
I gonna kill that vine-greaser me say!!"