lost

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every night i dream of i life not my own
for my own is misery and pain
the daggers in my heart too many to count
the knives in my back still ache
but the pain of solitude causes my suffering
to awake alone is my only nightmare
the night brings shattered dreams
and impossible hopes, then as the sun rises
all my hopes melt away for they werent really there
and all that is left is my nightmare and my reality
still cold with bitterness and hate


as my walls crash around me
i look at the cause
all the pain, fear and misery
and realize that the world
leaves me behind,
and the place i dwelled
was my prison stained
with the blood of fantasy
my mind trapped me
and my heart free's me


as darkness falls
i dont care if im heard
i just want to be understood
but instead im attacked
or abandoned left alone
to my misery and obsession
my quest and my search
as it was over in my mind
now my search resumed
for she isnt ready
and i fear she will never be
but i dont know why to wait
as i look for a reason
she leaves me alone to write
and she leaves my question
lying there rotting away
not unlike my heart
and as my soul darkens
and the light in my heart
begins to fade into darkness
i wonder why she pulled away
and it hurts me like a sword
lodged deep in my chest
each beat of my life muscle
brings me closer to the end

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