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Click hereEDELTRAUD 3: THE PSYCHOBITCH ==> AN EASTER TIME BALLADE
GOOD SATURDAY
14/4/2012
LOVING WAVES
As we’re fast approaching
The general election,
My heart I am coaching
To its natural selection.
I’ve chosen Edeltraud
To be my sweet companion,
To take her from this crowd
And walk with her up canyon.
To reach the waters falling
Among the ever greens,
To hear perhaps the calling,
Make love behind the screens.
To reach the mountain caves,
And what else there’s to reach,
And then with loving waves,
Retreat to Avra Beach.
Stanzas 2-4 are very nice, they make a total poem. Stanza 1 should be removed, it spoils the poem, it is a bad eyesore, with its unnecessary political and scientific jargon plus semi-joking and semi cliched "heart". No need for all these.
You may still do something about line "And what else there’s to reach". It has no content, be it in general or poetically (I hope you are not counting on any graphic interpretation of phrase "to reach", it would cheapen your poem).
PS. I don't understand the other comment when it talks about "a" and "I".
"I" in your Header !!??