- Erotic Poetry
- Madame Clarinet
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Click hereShe’s cold at first –
a long sleek body dressed in black with
silver buttons lining her,
front and back,
everywhere.
She stares out at you
waiting for you to kiss her.
At first you don’t dare
and only finger her long sleek dress,
your hands lingering on her silver buttons
as you let your minty hot breath
wash over her body,
and slowly she starts to smile.
She opens up to you.
It is time.
You hold her tighter
and press her closer to your chest,
your long delicate fingers
encompassing her.
You bring her closer, closer still so
your mouths can meet –
your lips and then your tongues,
and slowly you let your minty hot breath
play into her.
And your love comes out as music.
- COMMENTS
beautyandwineover 17 years agounfortunately when I read "dressed in black...with silver buttons"... I revert to that childhood rhyme. Gah! I wonder if there's a way to play with the wording a bit, or perhaps I'm the only one strange enough to have this issue.
duddle146over 17 years agoA lady of the night and day ~ that mellowest of horns ~ enough to make a sentimental guitar player envious ~ playing in the same range ~ the wonderful Clarinet.
LeBrozover 17 years agoWas thinking NJ was being a bit overly harsh till I came upon a second use of "minty hot breath." I'm thinking if you change it where it's first used, its second use should bear up well.
normal jeanover 17 years agois usually so tight and just grabs me, but this one seemed filled with excess words, such as.
minty hot--- minty and hot are nearly synonyms
you used sleek at least twice, well, thats not too bad
I am not good at in depth critique, it just felt as though you didnt give this one your usual care and love. I still enjoyed it, but feel there is room for improvement.
xox
NJ
