Madness is

And it becomes louder and louder,
disjointed anomalies of quiet noise hissing in the back of your ear,
you try to hide from the sound, but it follows, always following until all you hear is the clicking and the buzzing
until you’re insane.
The noise is ceaseless
even when you pound on your ears, the blood flowing in painful rivers of red, it keeps careening, softly tickling inside your head
it echoes on and on until you want to beg for mercy, beg for silence, beg for it all to end.
Only it doesn’t end
it never ends
it only lessens as the days wear on, as the moon wanes in the black sky until her face is no longer visible.
I use to think everyone was like me,
that everyone could taste the scent of the wild
as I got older, I learned
I was an abnormality
monster some would whisper
less than human.
Perhaps I am less than human
though I can think
and I can feel
god how I wish I couldn’t feel
sometimes this life hurts too much
the pain is unbearable
almost as bad as the constant noise ringing in my head.
I want to beat it out
wish I had the strength to tune it out
to be normal
god I would give anything to be normal
to be just a man
to love
like other men are supposed to love
to feel the warmth of a woman’s flesh pressed to mine
to feel her body sway and surrender under me
wrapping around me in warm tight softness.
I almost had that once
she was a goddess
lovely beyond compare
compassionate and kind
she was my soul
she did not care that I was less than human
did not care that I changed into…
what I become
she could push the noise away
push away the sensory overload
until there was nothing but her
the scent of her hot skin
her breath brushing against my face
but she was not for me
no one is truly for me.
I am profane
I am not human
I am nothing
flesh and bone that twists and changes
until my mind is overrun with the sounds clicking and clacking in my ears
and I am gone
lost and alone
always alone
tortured and tormented by what I become
what I never wanted to be
what I have no choice to accept
as the moon waxes
rising white and pure in the dark black sky
though the goddess has cursed me
though I once lived for the beauty of her pale face.