- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Magic
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Click herebeing born
is magic
dying
is magic, too
we are like
the bunny rabbit
that a magician
makes disappear
with the wave
of a hand
that
is
magic
over us
a phantom
hand waves
and we disappear
that
is
magic
but there
is no
applause
only silence
- COMMENTS
UnderYourSpellalmost 13 years agoWasn't sure on the first read but on going through it again I can see it's merits and I rather like the end line
buttersalmost 13 years agoi found the line-breaks too disruptive here, even thought abruptness is important to the 'magic' of the disappearing act. different choices might improve this.
end line superfluous, but i'd definitely tinker a little with the rest as you've the makings of an interesting write. it's all there, just needs that extra push, for me.
twelveoonealmost 13 years agothere being (work this though in your head, what am I doing?)
is no applause
end, stop
only silence
is overkill, all if these are worthy of some editing and some second thoughts. A5, tactically it would have been better to have either submitted either the first two, or one of the two at the bottom. They stand more of a chance of getting the attention they deserve. Another would have been to leave a few comments a few days before submitting the poems.
