- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Magical Moonbeams
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Click hereSitting on a cliff high above the ocean,
The stars and night sky spread out around me.
I watch the waves and flow with the motion.
Here I find hope...here I find a key.
Little dolphins playing with each other,
The quiet rush of the waves breaking on the sand.
I see the moon smiling at me...am I her lover?
Lying here with little clothing could I get a moon tan?
Coming down from the moon are little bitty creatures.
Landing on things and bringing them to life.
Enjoying each other in perfect architecture.
I wonder if this is heaven a piece of the after-life.
The magical moonbeams sing to me,
They sing of far away lands and distant spaces,
No problems, they truly know what it means to be free.
Telling tales of all the hero's and people with new faces.
They race along the beach touching everything in sight,
Letting angels know they are of the night,
The sun begins to set taking away some of their light.
They are leaving now though try as they might, to stay
They promise to be back another day, in some brand new way.
- COMMENTS
twelveoonealmost 13 years agoabab better than aabb, now go back and look at it, what can be weeded, what doesn't make sense (in the context of the poem, not necessarily literally). Try to avoid ellipses, unless there is a real reason, it is not needed here: Here I find hope...here I find a key. A comma would do. And if you think about it if you have a "key" you don't really need "hope". I gave it a generous 5, I think I see improvement. That's how it works, in increments. Now go read someone elses, read the comments, leave one.
