- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Magpies
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I saw two magpies in a tree –
That night my lover came to me
And, as he tarried in my bed,
I fed the birds on honeyed bread.
Then, later, snuggled in our nest,
My lover drew me to his chest
And on and on, and all night long,
Our bodies sang the sweetest song.
When dawn’s sad sunlight wakened me
I looked out on the magpies’ tree:
One magpie sat there, quite alone,
The other, like my love, had flown.
- COMMENTS
UnderYourSpellalmost 15 years agoReally enjoyed this would definitely read better without the 'and' at the beginning of the line.
EroticOrogenyalmost 15 years agoMost of the commas seem fine - might want to drop after 'and' in 2nd line of 1st stanza. Could go either way with end of line punctuation. Think could use lower case for start of some of lines. Nice showing of a night and next morning.
bflagsstalmost 15 years agoYou don't have to show us where the breaks/breaths/pauses are with so many commas. The beat is already in the poem, just about anyone who's ever read a poem can figure out the phrasing cuz you write well. When someone can't figure out the phrasing in form it means the syllable count and stresses are off, has very little to do with punctuation. Less punctuation the better.
WickedEvealmost 15 years agoI really like the poem and especially this line: I fed the birds on honeyed bread.
normal jeanalmost 15 years agohad they bothered to hang around, perhaps you might have read to them!
