- Erotic Poetry
- Making Love is like Jazz
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Making love is like jazz... free, wild, and uncensored.
But when the tempo changes, it disturbs the rhythm.
Lovers search in each others eyes, for what ignited the passion.
The drummer matches thier heart beats,
as the cresendo rises, the bass guitar is strumming the lovers along,
when the keyboard joins in, it adds to the harmony.
The sound of the lovers, blend with the sax solo signals the end.
The music erupts, blinding all with pleasure.
When the quartet ends, all are satified, jazz is like making love.
- COMMENTS
LeBrozabout 17 years agoThe inversion of the opening phrase at the end seems to work for me, but, in addition to previous misspellings mentioned, include crescendo. And as Eve mentioned, careful with clichés — they're heard so much they don't have the effect for which you hope. Give it a good going over — a good start for a great idea in this prose piece.
jimmyjoyceabout 17 years agoI think this lost direction after the beginning, didn't it? Did you perhaps get seduced by the metaphor, and lose the meaning? (I know that can happen to me.) I liked the first three lines very much. I didn't dislike the rest - I just think it could go further in some sense. - jimmy
WickedEveabout 17 years agoI like the idea behind the poem: jazz and sex. This poem could be improved, though. You really need to watch out for those naughty clichés. ;) "free, wild," together is a bit cliché. Also, "Lovers search in each others eyes" "ignited the passion" Read more poetry and you'll find plenty of eye searching and passion burning or being ignited. You should consider cutting out this part: "jazz is like making love." No need to tell the reader again. Your title and the rest of the poem make it clear. The poem would have a stronger ending with just "When the quartet ends, all are satified." (satisfied)
