Melancholy Scenes in a Public House

Poem Info
179 words
4.67
1.6k
0
4
Poem does not have any tags
Share this Poem

Font Size

Default Font Size

Font Spacing

Default Font Spacing

Font Face

Default Font Face

Reading Theme

Default Theme (White)
You need to Log In or Sign Up to have your customization saved in your Literotica profile.
PUBLIC BETA

Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.

You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.

Click here
fridayam
fridayam
50 Followers

Leytonstone, London, 24th.August 1984

Are those girls whores, or is it just bad luck
to look so whorish sitting there?
Are the men their pimps who buy them drinks,
ploughing profits back to lighten lunch?

And the girl with her head on the table,
who is she? And what is so upsetting that
her friends ignore her and pretend
she's had too much, is just not there?

I doubt she's drunk so early in the day,
but then I'm not the client she just left
who wanted something extra that
a few stiff gins made easier to do.

Perhaps it's just her boyfriend who's been nasty
though she bears no marks that show from here
except those mental scars that mark her out
and weigh her down, aslant an alehouse table.

Was this just imagination running wild?
Maybe it's just the fault of pubs, where
strong drink clouds even simple things
giving depth to emotions unfelt elsewhere,
turning us all inwards and back-to-front
surveyors of inaccessible places.

(Another from an old notebook that I felt was worth rescuing)

fridayam
fridayam
50 Followers
Please rate this poem
The author would appreciate your feedback.
  • COMMENTS
4 Comments
twelveoonetwelveooneabout 13 years ago
*

rescue away. I have a contrary opinion, clearly you are musing here, so some degree of wastage and back & forth are called for.

easy 100

vrosej10vrosej10about 13 years ago
agreed

Good material. Needs a massive edit with hard heart. I can see where you have developed from.

UnderYourSpellUnderYourSpellabout 13 years ago
~

I agree with Tess this needs more editing your present work is more finer and delicate, it's good to see how much you have moved on though

GuiltyPleasureGuiltyPleasureabout 13 years ago
Hmmm....

... I left a comment that seems to have disappeared but my vote's still here so....

I said this was well worth rescuing but also well worth some more work - weeding, pruning. It has strong, promising roots but is too sprawling. Forget about the "why" in the final stanza - it's enough to conjure up the pub scene. At present it reads as a prosey stream of conscience, try to take it down to the essence and it will be a memorable poem.

Tess.

Share this Poem