- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Missing the dawn
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Eyes are wide open
to a ceiling I don’t recognize
tonight:
this shadowing light
spreads on the walls
and around,
but it is only the time
that goes towards
tomorrow.
Warm soaking tears
pour out from them,
I cry again,
prisoner of this night,
revolving for a time
it seems forever,
and leaves me alone,
missing the dawn,
missing you.
- COMMENTS
Eumenidesalmost 20 years agoI was off the internet and I told her the wrong poem and poet. Sorry, dood.
perksalmost 20 years agothat we might actually like your all of a sudden passion suddenly version better... eep! Your editing watered the intensity down on some level.
Eumenidesalmost 20 years agoI like your use of light on the wall a lot, however, when you say it is just the time that passes on to tomorrow, I want the light to BE time, and so read it instinctively without the word "the". And the last line "missing you" takes the poem into the more literal which it hadn't been up until then, so it deflated the poem for me. Other than that, I think it's a good solid poem that can be related to emotionally and visually.
perksalmost 20 years agothis isn't bad, boy does it tiptoe the blance beam of cliche though. It doesn't quite jump right in it, but it has the capability of doing so, and that had me worried, I'm glad you held the line. I'd get rid of the last word "you" it makes the poem more poignant and embroils me, the reader, in longing as well as missing.
fawniealmost 20 years agolovely words expressing a pain too many in life end up feeling!
be well!
