- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Monday Night Pool
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Click hereJack the rack and make’m clack.
We’re shoot’n hot tonight
The felt is fast, the rails are live
and nobody’s keep’n score.
Any ball in any hole, no calls and piss ins count.
Powder for my hand and chalk for my cue,
my blue fingered babe brings two bottles
and lights my cigar.
Beer and nicotine can shoot for my soul.
So pull your stick and make’m click.
We’re playing fast tonight.
52pkp 01.06.
- COMMENTS
greenmountaineerover 13 years agoLike others, I liked the snappy rhythm in the first 4 lines and maintaining it in L5 with a little variation. "Powder in my..." didn't work as well for me in spite of the vivid image there and throughout the poem, particulary the hyper-masculine ones.
vrosej10over 13 years agoI also got a sex metaphor in this somewhere but that might be just my dirty mind or just all your natural rutty maleness coming through. You're getting a recommend.
twelveooneover 13 years agoya know, if you move bottles to the next line, that little half pause that tends to show up (pinsKy), just might work
The_Foolover 13 years agoOkay, I'll disagree with those that lost the rhythm. I think it played well. Maybe I just speak too much redneck, cuz that is what I read. Loved the blue fingered babe. Left it relatively light until you snuck in that "Beer and nicotine can shoot for my soul." Period on second line.
PoetGuyover 13 years agoMade Poet Guy think of Nathan Detroit and the Hot Box Girls. Snappy verse, except perhaps for this sequence--"my blue fingered babe brings two bottles / and lights my cigar"--that didn't seem to have quite the same metrical zip.
Enjoyed it, though.
