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Through a badly-drawn curtain
via the mirrored wardrobe
the Moon sought me as I slept,
a gibbous ghost pursuing me
as my head inched, perturbed,
along my ghostly pillow
until I met my wife--
dead to the world--and woke,
an escapee caught in a searchlight
of immense power so close
I could see it move,
80 billion tons of rock at speed,
sunlit in my night.
- COMMENTS
Tzaraalmost 14 years agoI'm not sure why, but "badly-drawn" seems weak, or wrong or something to me. I think you mean something like "incompletely drawn" (so the moonlight can enter your bedroom), but that phrasing seems awkward to me. As I said, though, not sure why.
Also, "ghost" followed by "ghostly"seems more repetitious than echoing to me, and it isn't at all clear to me why you would be an "escapee," other than to make the prisoner image work.
I like the end a lot, except for "sunlit," which is, of course, correct so I guess I can't whine about that too much.
Good poem. Much more interesting than the usual fare here. Thanks.
