- Non-Erotic Poetry
- My Box
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Click hereI have a special box
Well most have their's as well
Souveniers
Treasures
Memories
Ill gotten gains
Spoils of success
Plundered loot
...Secrets
We fill our boxes with them
Sometimes my box gets full
And I can't fit more within
So I have to take something out
And choose
Time passes
What was once dear
Is now faded and dim
Or perhaps
Something I value
Held in trust for another's heart
A heart that no longer beats
For me
And so I take them out
Tossing some freely
Without a second thought
Only wondering why it was there at all
Pausing a moment with the others
With gleam now tarnished, or still bright
Only wondering why it was ever there at all
My box has little room
Full of secrets
What space remains
I fill it
With me
Its biggest secret
- COMMENTS
angel333almost 13 years ago..and can not contribute with any feedback.
The lines
"A heart that no longer beats
For me"
did touch me.
I do know this so well.
greenmountaineeralmost 13 years agoIf I'm wrong, I still enjoyed reading it that way.
The correct spelling is "souvenir" BTW.
NeonSubtletyalmost 13 years agoOf a great piece. The concept is appealing--that every memory And secret is prioritized, and some once-praised items fade by the brilliance of others. I think it would benefit a lot from some simple editing. The list at the beginning is distracting. I don't think you need as many examples as you listed. And some of the phrases you've used could be expressed in half as many words just by cutting out a few articles and unnecessary clauses. Good luck! I hope you let us in on any changes you make.
Desejoalmost 13 years agoSomething odd happened when I read this, because my internet connection at the moment is hellish: only the first stanza loaded. The rest of the page was blank. In that format, the poem made me think and wonder.
But...when I realized the rest of it was missing and it loaded, my overall impression was one of a picture book for a child. Please don't take this as an insult, because I think it would make a beautiful book (with a few changes)- and the sentiment in it is important.
