My Dearest Master

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I want to start off by saying I love you
I can't live my life without you
You have shown me another life I can't go
without
The pain you leave upon my body when you close
the door behind, it's like nothing else in this world
exist
When the door opens its like a whole new beginning
of pain to where you don't know where it starts and
where it ends
Your fingers are like a switch you can turn me on
and turn me off that fast
My body has never responded like this before
I can't go back to where I use to be as the life
I once lived
I would be a shell and weep forever
You have given me this other life to fulfill
all my fantasies
This torture you inflict upon my body
it intoxicates my inner-soul
I feel aroused when you bite my lip
and pinch my nipples
You make me orgasm when you have
the knife to my throat
The place I seek needs to be for I want to lose
control
Bound and blindfolded to the tree is where life
shall begin
Orgasmic swells of our pleasure will build
into this pleasant torture of my desire
I need to be tied into your dungeon and let you have
your way and please me to no end
I ask no gag within my mouth let the screams
take you into ecstasy of our sinful play
Lick the droplets from my wetness
as the flogger makes contact with my skin
Make my body squirm as you fulfill all my fantasies
bring me to my knees with your pain I need
Brand me as your slave submissive
keep me caged and use me as you please
Beat me
Chain me
Cuff me
Love me
Bite me
Choke me
Make me beg
Hang me from the highest branch
whip me till my body goes limp
Then caress me down into a world
of thorns as I give myself to you

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LeBrozLeBrozabout 17 years ago
~~

This starts off better than your first piece but the last third weakens all you've accomplished here. Drop the last third and, with the remainder, do some tweaking and you can have a truly powerful piece from the view of a sub.

LeBrozLeBrozabout 17 years ago
~~

Welcome to Lit with this view from a sub and a sub's desires. Try trimming it down to increase the impact of the powerful emotions you're trying to present. In its present form, it feels more like a report than a passionate plea for submission.