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Click hereI touch her with gentle care
That silky magenta eye
That once awakened, explodes
From hot tingling joyfulness
To fiery lightning orgasm
Phosphened across my retinas
Till I lay quietly panting
Drifting dreamily to sleep
Held by fantasy lovers.
very weak line. Your use of the adverbs and adjectives that you chose weakened your work. I have read terrific work from you, but this is below your usual quality. Sometimes it helps to hold onto a poem and read it after a week or so and you will see it, feel it, it a different way ( as you distance yourself from it, you see it from a different perspective.). Best of luck, I enjoy your work on a regular basis.