My Little Monster

You've always been my little monster
Hiding inside me since I was small
Blissful for a few youthful years
until I heard your fetid call

Didn't know you until she remarried
was unaware until Mister Scary
Came in my life and stripped me bare
He was a horror, old and hairy

It started out as just a touch
Then by 6 was more by much
Secrets lies and shame they shaped me
stolen childhood,he more than raped me

Beat me, force me, make me shiver
Fists stop hitting, hands stop touching
Words, they'll stay with me forever
I much prefer your painful punching

"You fat pig" "You worthless cow"
"You lazy whore" they are still here
Loud and clear I hear you now
Your screaming taunts still in my ear

Though many years it's been
I see your face, your angry eyes
I carry on what you did back then
Keep the secrets, tell the lies

I still tell myself those words you screamed
I continue on with your abuses
I deny myself pleasure, hope, and dreams
Food, love, taste, and make no excuses

I watch myself waste and find sick pleasure
In a way its how I prove you wrong
As my numbers drop, I faithfully measure
This messed up kid won't be here long

Wish I were safe
Wish I were sane
It's far too late
I take the blame