My Lord

my “Lord”

Control is what I surrender. I want to be guided down the path of my Lords choosing. As a submissive, control is the very last thing that I want. I need a Lord that understands this, and works to make it my reality. I want my Lord to understand.

As I go through my day, in His presence or outside of it, following His instruction to the letter gives me security, and that security reminds me of my submission to Him. Even if it is something as simple, as eating what I am told to eat for lunch while at work.

Alternatively, something as time consuming as kneeling and concentrating on the gift of Dominance His presence in my life brings me. I am thankful; I am the lucky one. I need Him to respond to me.

Will He still want me when He finally understands how needy I am? Will He still need me when He sees with His own eyes how easily I buckle under the need to be dominated? Will he be able to understand why a very strong independent, professional, self-sufficient woman feels that way? When I buckle under the reality of Him, will I still be valuable? Alternatively, am I merely a challenge?

Is it little more than a game undertaken to feed His ego, to see if He can cause me to buckle under my need of Him? Does He value that vulnerable part of me that I am helpless to hide from Him?

I need to know I am safe with Him. I need to know that He sees me as a submissive, willing to be what He needs me to be to please Him, and that I am still safe. When He sees how eager I am to please, I pray he will not grow bored with me.

Can He help me feel safe? Can He lead me in demolishing the walls I have built around my heart in response to those who have come before Him? Can He show me how to be vulnerable again, and not be afraid? Can He take away that guard and assure me it is needed no more?

When He sees how easily I am convinced to relax and assist Him in my destruction, so that He might rebuild me again, will He still want to possess me?

Nothing can touch my sexuality as intensely as my submission to a Lord. I need Him to understand how erotic submission is for me. When combined with the mental, emotional, and physical aspects of submitting the emotional and sexual intensity is beyond my ability to explain. I need Him to understand that even when it is not a sexual encounter it touches my sexuality in the most powerful of ways.

The simplest of commands from Him can leave me aching, and drenched with my desire for Him... my need of Him. I need to be pushed tenderly, yet firmly to expand my limits, to test the boundaries of my resistance so that I might grow in service to Him. My Lord would understand that without that push there will be things my mind, or my body will never be able to accept, and never experience.

I need Him to understand, even when I might not be able to find the words to tell Him, even when it appears I fight Him, that I want to get past the resistance too, with Him. I do not understand why I may struggle against Him. Perhaps this is where His understanding and skill at Dominance will manifest itself. When the time comes to push me past the resistance, we make progress for Us.
I need His respect.

I need His respect as a person, as a woman, and as His submissive. Without His respect, our relationship cannot grow. From my perspective, all of these things are the things it would take to make a healthy and happy relationship.

However, there is one more factor, I believe, takes priority over all the things listed so far. That is, time to invest in the relationship. Before any one of the things listed above can be present, there must be a commitment of time. There is so much to be done with our time together. Without time together, talking, getting to know one another how can He possibly know how best to implement control of me?

How are we to communicate with one another without the time to spend talking, and learning about each other... exchanging those little quirks, or secrets about ourselves that make us valuable and unique as people? I need time to learn about Him, to see in Him things, which will allow me to feel safe.

I need to feel He knows me that He understands me, and trusts me. Without time to spend with me, quality time, I will feel as no more than a doll set safely out of the way on a shelf... No sweet words in the world can make up for His lack of time for me.

Yours humbly…
©Domina Angelina