- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Night
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Click hereNight
Dreams swirl like fog,
In darkened hallways,
With locked doors.
Her hands feel me,
Eyes touch my body,
Only in my mind.
Reserve a place for her,
As the stars cartwheel,
In the dead of night.
Moon lit silver wings,
Dancing candle flames,
Move, inside my mind,
To Her.
- COMMENTS
Esperanza_Hidalgoabout 13 years agobut the line freakin out business kinda bugged me, like trying too hard. One of the things of late that I read helped me, I think Angeline wrote it... about how a five doesn't seem to try too hard. Look for it.
Liarabout 13 years agoBut,
Skip the formatting, and strike the second stanza which breaks off in tione and image from the others too much, and you have an in my opinion outstanding one instead.
Angelineabout 13 years agobecause it didn't really come together for me, I didn't get a sense of what you want to say. I think you need to connect it up more. :-)
fridayamabout 13 years agowhy the lines were broken up so--it felt irrelevant. Concentrate on the essence of the poem and not on ephemera. The first stanza is lovely, but then it gets lost.
