- Erotic Poetry
- Night Air
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I want you to feel cool sensations, fogging
your every breath on this winter night,
as you view lamplight dancing on water;
I want you to distinguish the shadows
of stacked buildings: an urban escarpment,
tranquil and black before the rising moon;
I want you to tremble, as the breeze picks
up the last of the fallen leaves and whirls
them down the empty quay to oblivion;
I want you to turn round at the first hint
of a whispered command, summonsing you
from the balcony to my warm embrace;
I want you.
- COMMENTS
Tzaraover 12 years agobut that's my opinion, of course. I see your logic in using it, but my opinion is that it weakens the poem rather than strengthens it.
Later in the poem "summonising" surely should be "summoning"? "[U]p", in line 8 should be dropped (again, opinion), as it seems to me to be both redundant and to cheapen the verb ("picks") in the previous line.
"[A]n urban escarpment" is a nicely evocative phrase.
All in all, a poem of interest. Thanks.
