- Non-Erotic Poetry
- No Curtain Call
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Click here Nakedly holding on to something,
That was gone long ago.
Gentle reflections, times passed.
Carnival fun house mirrors,
Distorts what use to be true.
Looking in me, looking at you.
The movie has ended now,
Reels turn, but empty of film.
No curtain call, no final bow.
I played the role, tragically,
Right out to the end,
Can I now leave the stage.
- COMMENTS
vrosej10about 13 years agoEverything I want to say has already been said. I still see improvements in your technique.
UnderYourSpellabout 13 years agoOn first read it came over very clichéd but on rereading it I see it has much to save it
jthserraabout 13 years agogoing from carnival mirrors, to film reels and then exiting the stage, but it reads fairly comfortably. You'll want to edit line 5 -->"use" wants to be "used." Otherwise a fairly nice effort.
jth : )
Angelineabout 13 years agobut I don't get how the structure supports what you're saying. Also agree with Espy that you need to put more life into the poem. It doesn't have movement for me--maybe that's the way you are ending the lines or maybe it needs a little something more.
Esperanza_Hidalgoabout 13 years agoof pesky gram things bug me (Carnival fun house mirrors, Distort what used to be true). You have a good thought going, but maybe adding something to evoke smell--really pull me in, making it pop. Just an opinion.
