- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Nostalgia
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Lying in the backyard,
hot from fruit wine and Spring,
I study the soft packets of my lips
and recall Summer camps at St. Mary’s,
running dandelions and blades
of woven sandpaper over closed lids,
sneaking in the crevices,
tracing the round of my childish bones.
I could cry for the blues
forgotten by the sky and the dead
weight of my face.
- COMMENTS
vrosej10about 13 years agoYou have an original turn of phrase which is a helpful trait in poetry. It makes your voice unique. Stanza three does not help this otherwise excellent poem; you have lurched into commentary. I think as it stands, if you ditched it, it would be an amazing poem.
Maria2394about 13 years agothe last line, but am wondering if "laying" should be "lying"?
Maybe, maybe not, but an enjoyable read.
~ maria
UnderYourSpellabout 13 years agoYou have a very personal way of stringing your words together, new and exciting and I like :)
GuiltyPleasureabout 13 years ago...like this one. You do tend to have an odd turn of phrase but once the reader gets over that this is quite readable and fun. I particularly like the final line.
Tess
