- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Odium
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My psyche's lamp is dim today
and shame floats to the surface of me
like paper wishes
Frame by frame
you recede
Turn
Open
I want to see
the full breadth
of your regret
Blind me with it
that never again
may i sleep curled around it
White knuckled in remorse
My lust breathing hot at my back
I cannot shift it.
It's obsidian in me
now and then flowing helplessly out
through my eyes.
- COMMENTS
vrosej10almost 15 years agoI loved it. Very intense. My only criticism and it's a minor one, is the inconsistent use of I. It is lower case (and thusly the timid I) in one spot and the more assertive upper case I in another. Given the strength of the words, capitals in both cases would have been better and more in line with the message, but this is a quibble. Great work.
EroticOrogenyalmost 15 years agoA couple of places might need a little polish, but hard to isolate.
On the obsidian - are you well-versed in petrology or just an interest? I'm much more into structure/tectonics.
rubyslipperalmost 15 years agoAuthorObsidian is commonly found within the margins of rhyolitic lava flows known as obsidian flows, where the chemical composition (high silica content) induces a high viscosity and polymerization degree of the lava.
greenmountaineeralmost 15 years agoNice sound to it; however, unless I'm misunderstanding the image, I don't see how something obsidian can flow without some poetic devise that transforms it to the tears, lust, scorn or any combination of those that I imagine to be flowing.
