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Click hereEscape anathema
Gray gray gray beginnings, each day
foggy forgettable landscape, sorry episodes
Chapters stained with teardrops
Battle stations. Dress down, get out
Identity irrelevant, what’s left
To find the grail or fail
At least trying to achieve
Something other than no way
Out, and about others, alike in isolation
Try to read intentions, ephemeral
Static shocks, misread Morse codes
Like words in books, momentary
Reality only a paragraph long,
Purpose to pull and pluck
Then evaporate into sounds familiar
Syllables, in common consciousness
I know once I shared this thread of everyness
Now buried in fabric indeterminate
Let’s unravel together
You pay a great deal of attention to word choice, sound and phrase, and it shows in the delicacy of your construction here. Well done.
In a sense this feels like a stripped down version of the original, and yet, it comes across in a more positive light. It doesn't feel near as depressing as the original.
I found this to be a rapid fire burst of perceptions that are drawing the reader through a hurtful landscape, at last to find a bit of calm in a backwater eddy and eventually come unknotted. Good imagery. This poem is mentioned on the New Poems Review thread in literotica's Poetry Feedback and Discussion forum.
To your credit I do not think this poem is actually a reprise of the former poem by the same name.
This one is much more of contemplative overview on a wide range of themes: trying to make sense of ones wrought by routine life; trying to understand one’s (our) lonely stand in life – you certainly put a lot on your plate, but it seemed to hold together despite it’s ‘high brow’ nature. This one is much more existential conceptual ‘meta-poem’; the previous IMO stayed on level ground being more experiential – here and that have happened (poetically speaking). Defying some recent normative judges : this and that are legit children of big poetry Mama…