Owned

Do this
I do this
Do that
I do that

Do this other thing
And I forget
And you get angry
But it will pass
It always passes
You loose your words
And I hurt inside
I've failed again
But it doesn't last

Come do this
I do this
Go do that
I do that

And I do
Waiting
Waiting
Patiently
Wanting
For that moment

When your eyes
Command me
With a flick
Of your wrist
Denial not possible

I know
I am yours
Not through
Hours of labor
But with one glance
I find myself
At your feet

My thoughts?
When you are away?
"I'm free
"What do I want to do?"
No
My thoughts are Different

What can I try
What can I do
To please you
To leave some reminder
That my thoughts
Are of you?

How can I show
Without showing
The moments
Middle of the night
Gazing at your cold bed
The cold entering my heart
The feeling of being lost
I need you here
I am adult, I am fine
But without you
There's a cold space

I don't fear anymore
Being alone
Like I used to
Bumps and sounds
Don't bother me

But my world
Just isn't right
In a quiet house
With no One
Griping, commanding,
Lashing out
With a tongue of fire
Burning me
Because you don't burn
Anything that I need

I long to hear
The sounds of the girls
Arguing over something
Anything
They won't remember
Tomorrow
Who got the hairbrush first
Or who wore what
But sitting in a quiet house
Home alone
Cold, Quiet house
I remember

I gaze
At the place
Beside your bed
My place

My heart longs
Kneel there...
"Don't ever forget...
"You are slave."

The words echo from the past
But the place is empty
Kneeling without you
Would bring pain
I turn away
From the made bed

My heart screams
Sleep on the floor!
Just be near her!

But I am alone
I turn
To my dresser
Panties
Nightshirt

I dress
Move to my bed
I take the small blanket
Off of the top
The stars on it remind me
Of God's eyes
The single moon
Of my angel
Watching over me

I wrap myself in warmth
That doesn't touch inside
And curl up on the foot
Of your bed
And pray
And I fall asleep praying

God,
Please
Please
Please
Let me survive going away
Because I won't fight it
Your will is perfect
Please don't let it hurt like this
For her
When I leave
Spare her, Lord

A tear runs down my cheek
Escaping
As dreams seize me.