- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Passive Tension
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Click hereYou wear your face
with a vengeance
as apathy rises
from your cigarette
and turns into
the most honest statement
you have ever made.
The spaces between
your words wear
masks that take
the long way around
any statement
that makes you
uncomfortable.
You turn into a past
that will never exist
as your smile
runs and hides
from sight of the pain
you wear like a halo.
- COMMENTS
sophia janeover 18 years agoI like this poem because of its abstract images. I don't think you need a "story" at all to make your point here. The first and third stanzas are especially strong.
Anonymousabout 19 years agoI love the opening line, and 'wearing pain like a halo' is also a great image. I think you may be relying a little too much on the images, however, and leaving out the story.
Is this about a specific incident? I expect I would enjoy it more if I knew more details.
I think this is a very strong start to a poem, though.
Flyguy
Fflowabout 19 years agoYour poem was interesting. I didn't feel as though I gained any real insight into the characters, either the subject or the observer. It felt very abstract, and emotionally disconnected, to me. That isn't a critism, though, as those qualities are used to good effect.
Anyway, I think I'd need to read some other stuff of yours to have real insight into this work.
