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Click hereIt was over in a heartbeat
and I didn't see it coming.
Now I stand at the gateway
of my dreamscape watching
petals falling in the rain
beating down blurring what
I thought was beauty but
to you was only a trap.
You've got a poetic idea, but you're too abstract. IMO there's too much imagery and not enough metaphor, not to say that you couldn't flesh this out with just a little more concrete story.