Pity

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82 words
3.67
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If fitting in is important to you
sit close and listen
let me tell you a story
about a man with your problem

He strove to fit in
feeling alone even among friends
he knew something was wrong
"What am i doing"

He took society by the throat
screamed "fuck off"
kicked down the door labeled normal
and walked out into chaos

"i am me"
"thats all i have to be"
"if you disagree"
"all i have for you is pity"

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champagne1982champagne1982over 16 years ago
alright

This poem has a strong idea, and gets it across in a straight forward way. To be constructive, my suggestion is that the poet attempt to include a few more poetic devices. I'd even go so far as suggesting making the entire poem rhyme rather than just the last strophe. My thought is, it takes more craft than what I see in this poem to make a good one. What's here is a good beginning and I'd like to see more story in a ballad type of poem.

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