- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Planning Behind
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I told him to remember me.
He promised.
Fireflies make promises, too.
Leaves disappear.
Rusty shadows stick to cement:
Kindergarten crayon rubbings glued to nature.
Today I remembered.
Yesterday was a year –
Or was it two?
I don’t recall…
I had planned to send a Christmas card,
but this is August 9.
My ice cream is melting;
it leaves strawberry tearstains on the porch.
- COMMENTS
tarablackwood22almost 20 years ago-- you clearly have a wonderful feel for language, and this poem is lovely piece by piece --almost every line is scruptious. All together, I think a rewrite would help, with punctuation changes to assist overall flow.
Reltnealmost 20 years agoYou have some excellent images and I like the style. I am not sure about the last line. It may be overkill. I might have stopped with just the ice cream melting.
I am not using the thermometer (the only good thing I ever got from ydd)
