- Non-Erotic Poetry
- poet's convention
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Click hereSomewhere on a parallel intersect
Dot dash dot lines of freeway lanes
We may meet in such a suspended city
As this as here we are right now
We can turn this car around at any time
If the kids in back refuse to keep it down
Look a license out of state
So if I hit you softly its in good fun
Poets prose as mathematicians
What with our formulaic eyes
Vicious in our vicious geometry
My ex equals x but sometimes y
This convention is seeming never ending
Our hanging lines and trappings
Of Babylon and on and on
Even in these seven wonders
The taj mahal is eclipsed
By the poetry on its face inscribed
Towers that reach up and fall away
Becoming radians for the truth
So too my name tag
Has more to say than I
Laminated in sticky conversations
It knows just when to say hello
With wicked witchy angles
We tell the telling sines
And a golden mean is met
In those old Euclidian lines
Isn’t that acute; isn’t that obtuse?
We come as stranger tourists
Speak as peer to peer lovers
Wondering what we really know
I with you shall return to steel
Robbing graves and taking moore
All those great minds that think alike
I’m for that and all that
It all ends our lonely rooms
Making what we make of it
Hoping my suitcase bag and satchel
May contain some memory of you
- COMMENTS
cherries_on_snowover 17 years agoIt is deep and literate and layered. This is gorgeous. Also, it was mentioned in Thursday/Friday's New Poems Reviews.
Question about moore--if that was a reference to Thomas, maybe it should be capitalized?
KOLKOREover 17 years agoI may not like your comments, but I sure do like your poem very much, even if I say that in prose.
Rich with imagery which is actually evolving together with the themes of the poem. One example: (third stanza) what mind bending and satisfying stanza: “Poets prose as mathematicians / What with our formulaic eyes / Vicious in our vicious geometry/ My ex equals x but sometimes y “. Only the freedom of poetry could allow the language to overlap and attribute poets and their poetry to the qualities we find in Math and geometry in such a direct way. Suddenly the poet looks more like a cool and calculated scientist. And that’s just one stanza.
Anonymousover 17 years agoI found this compelling too, like two of the three previous comments. Puzzling at first, but a second reading makes things clearer. I find it fascinating how different readers react differently.
Tess
sackover 17 years agoYour ideas are promising, the actual execution less so. What weakens the poem is the constant back and forth of "real life" and abstract metaphor. One moment you are speaking of an "out of state license plate" and the next instant have wandered to "towers reaching up and falling away." The constant back and forth from the real to unreal is jarring and interferes with the poem's message, assuming there is one.
More specifically:
In the first stanza, there is an unfortunate repetition of the word "as", intended probably but vague because you don't define what "this" is. The relationship? In any case, "as here we are right now" would be a little clearer, at least to me.
"lonely rooms." You mean lonely people in the rooms I presume. But why are they lonely? Are they having an affair in the Taj Mahal? Just trying to connect the dot-dash-dot lines here- haha.
Poets can go far afield in a poem if there is some coherence to the whole. But here, in the a very small space of time, you go from "kids in a car" to "towers falling" to "robbing graves" to "lonely rooms"! Wow! Where's the kitchen sink?
This could have developed into 8 poems with the profusion of ideas you have here. Sometimes, a poet can be simply too creative....
Transcendentally confusing
