I liked you best through the window
Dedicating the first fruits of your maturity
To the over 18 dance at the yacht club
Your solid thighs your awkward attempts
To perform the basic duties of a dancer
Your quick eyes targeting an objective
Based on a hazy analysis of desirability
Various archetypical scenarios scripting
A procedure text for the moon
Compelled to seek a closer understanding
Of that which binds your chaotic fullness
I’m the wild wild unicorn
The little fish you virgin
Captured in your holy grail sweet
Fermenting vessel of proleptic grace
Walking in the darkness of the outbuildings
First woman changing woman advancing
Toward the role of ideal woman with each foot
Approaching holiness sacred above sacred below
The electrodynamics of your moving body
So white so lovingly displayed our final
Communion explicit sloppy and successful
Silver seed sprouting a dark flawed feeling
We’ll readdress tomorrow recontrol as well
Tonight’s beautiful price sufficient for now
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Through the window
Looking through the window it's hard to see what lies below the sill.
some nice lines and thoughts, but hard to follow in its
totality. The first 9 lines(to me) are the best, after that the vocabulary becomes strained poetics and confusing,
"The little fish you virgin
Captured in your holy grail sweet
Fermenting vessel of proleptic grace" (proleptic=great word)
these are lovely lines that foretell the future of the young girl's changes, I don't know if "fermenting" is the right word. The vessel we drink from is not the vessel we ferment in. I assume the little fish are other boys who shared her "holy grail" (fermenting vaginas indicate yeast infection).
The last lines are less successful to me,
"Approaching holiness sacred above sacred below" is repetitious and forced, what does above and below refer to (secondary sexual characteristics?);likewise "electrodynamics of your moving body" in particular does the "electro" refer to biomechanics or an electric effect produced? If one has to stop and ponder the flow of ideas is also slowed. But never mind the comments, give us some more!more...
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