Raw

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case28
case28
2 Followers

I like it raw
high gloss over run
with her saliva.
There'll be nothing
lingering between us
except for a film of her lush
viscous
Gewurz-tram-in-er.
I observe
from beneath her flesh
poised
perfectly pointed jaw
mute gasp as she
slips
it
in
her mouth.


Delectable Sashimi slam-mer
tantalising Nori-ng headlock.
Whores d'oeuvre Carpaccio
cures my bitter-salt vein.


Punching the raw carcass
breaking my bones
healing her butcher
with cleaver blow.
Yearling of my
heartache
pounding
the butcher's block
Frenching the fore-
skin from my bone.


The feeling I get
when sliced in two
medium rare won't cut it.
There's only one way
to serve me
viande crue, that's
glossy red-blue.


She likes her meat
well-done
I want it raw
to the bone.

case28
case28
2 Followers
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6 Comments
case28case28over 10 years agoAuthor

Thank you so much for your great feedback, I'm actually pleasantly surprised by the response.

DesejoDesejoover 10 years ago

Yipes! Vegans be warned! I think this stretches the limits of metaphor but that is part of the intent.? Healing her butcher/with cleaver blow? I like the alternative word usage. I like how you have done your line breaks - it would be a very different poem if they were done differently. Certainly appropriately titled in any case...high marks for creativity.

HarryHillHarryHillover 10 years ago
great poem although

Gewurz-tram-in-er is a German wine that I never cared for but it works so well! All the marbles.

case28case28over 10 years agoAuthor

Thank you very much for your feedback and comments.

twelveoonetwelveooneover 10 years ago
see that is the cool thing about comments

I was not inclined to leave one, probably on first sight alone.

I like it raw

and short lines and excess of hyphens and the end looks like a disaster. However it does have it's moments

see that is the cool thing about comments, sometimes you get one that disagrees

don't worry score didn't suffer

hesitant 5

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