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Click hereRazers Knives and Theories of the Damned O My!
6/26/2010 11:35 PM
"O my Lord God help me."
Slap!
"What did I tell you Laura?"
There is no god.
You have much to learn.
"Why are you doing this to me?"
"Because I like it, I like you and overall I want to save you"
"Save me?"
I nod my head.
I look at you with rage.
I noticed before I forgot to destroy that cross.
No wonder she's still some what stupid.
I throw you on the floor.
And tear the cross of.
I throw the chain in the fire.
"No, no, no please!"
"Shut the fuck up, you'll come to understand. Be fucking quiet my other slave is in the other room."
You look at me with those green eyes.
Your double d breasts nice and firm and soft on the top are out in the open.
Your body naked.
I can now feel properly about doing this.
Now that this damned cross is off.
"NO please!"
I hold you down again.
"No, get out, no! Ahhhhhhhh, O, ohhh more! I mean no stop!"
I smile and laugh at thee.
"More?"
"Fuck you, no!"
"Fuck me? Ok."
"No that's not what I meant!"
I plunge into you even harder, even faster and more rough than before.
I don't want to wake Amanda.
But I want to hear your cries.
Tears roll down your face.
I feel a bit sorry for thee.
But you will soon understand me.
You moan in pure pleasure.
"Noooooo!"
You cum all over my cock.
"noooo, stop!"
I release my Demonic essence in you like one giant gun shot.
"Noooo, no, no, no ahhhhhh fuck, fuck ahhh."
I take a comb from the table and fix your hair.
You look at me confused.
Still shaking from what I did to you.
"Finally!"
"What?"
"I've been wanting to fix your hair, since last night."
"I don't get this, I don't understand, you fuck me, rape me, and now you treat me like this? Why are you being nice to me? You just raped me."
"Ah yes well, see after I dragged your husband here and you from the church.
I thought I mite have some fun.
I want to show you the errors of your Christianity."
I hold you and you look at me.
I kiss you on the lips.
"Soon you'll meet your new slave sister.. I will go attend to her now.
Then make you both breakfast, as I do believe you will have fun with her.
You two will get along.
As I am teaching you both."
I walk away to see Amanda and kiss you firmly on the cheak.
"By the way if you even think of leaving I'll know"
You might just have the makings of a damn good playwright. Yep.
WillowedCabin was on exactly the right track. Reminds me much more of a play than a piece of poetry.
Good luck. And get an editor :)
Very witty/funny as a piece of distanced humor, especially the quick combinations of machine gun dialogue and theatrical aside. Yet funny at times the nagging sense of.. a lack of distance.
A few grammatical dings leave a significantly larger dent in the overall impression of quality, mastery of language. For example:
"..my other slave is in the other room." next room
"..more rough than before." rougher
"I can now feel properly about doing this." proper
"razer" contributes, your other misspellings do not
Thumbs down on spelling and grammar. Hats off to a distinctive style.
Despite the other comments I thought it was rubbish, but that's because I could never get 35 I's into a poem, so maybe I'm jealous.
A 5 if only for the line "I release my Demonic essence in you with one giant gunshot." !!