regrets

How can I love you and hate you in the same breath?
How can I crave you like no one before you,
Yet be repulsed by the thought of you?
How can I want to share every part of myself with you...
My days, my nights, my feelings, hopes, dreams and in-between,
Knowing that you couldn't care less?
How can you mean so much to me,
When you've only taken advantage of my trust?
When you've shown no interest in earning me?
No interest in telling me in no uncertain terms that I matter to you?
When you've only hurt me?
When I clearly mean so little to you?
When I'm truly angry, hurt, miserable, cold, alone, feeling insecure,
and you don't even pretend to care
Your flighty words in black and white speak of love, lust, desire, so true, and so right
But in the real world, you are content snubbing me for weeks, months at a time
In the real world, you are content using me for your pleasure, as your receptacle, stringing me along, hurting me and confusing me with your duplicity
Then leaving me abruptly, coldly, empty, jolting me awake as I walk to the subway alone, returning to my reality
In the real world, I don't matter to you
Writing words so sweet, but so false... your actions show a callous disregard, a contempt for me
Why did I give myself to you so freely, so blindly, not knowing what you are?
I will regret it every day of my life.