- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Riding the Bus in Riyadh
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"The bus is full of black chadors
and chaperones," she hissed.
Her cousin poked her back
and whispered she
would rather joke
about the flimsy lingerie
that Fadl smuggled in
from Beirut Lebanon
for "what's her name,
you know, the second one."
But Mauna's lost in thought.
"My veil should fall,"
she says to Fatimah
"they'll see my lips,
or if I have an itch,
I'll lift my hem
to rub a naked toe"
she failed last night
to put red polish on
when on her rug
she fell asleep
and dreamt that Father stole her feet.
- COMMENTS
Magnetronalmost 10 years agoWell, I had to look up what a 'chador' was to make sure it was what I thought it was ..... what was I saying? I liked it. A few simple glimpses into foreign world ( as opposed to some tired gimmick meant to be puzzled together for meaning ). The dream speaks a volume about the relationship between Muslim men and women.
Now, this reads wonky:
----to rub a naked toe"
she failed last night
to put red polish on
when on her rug
she fell asleep----
on -and- on a bit too repetative so close together
I would remove the spacing and change it to something like this so the reader knows the polish was meant for the toes:
----to rub a naked toe"
that she failed last night
to put red polish on
when she fell asleep
upon her rug----
Still a 5 in my op.
normal jeanalmost 10 years agoabout a glimpse into the life of a woman from another culture? I would say, " I would love to meet this rebellious woman. I would love to help her with her toe polish." I bet her lips are lovely.
I hear so very many people lament the USA, every day and I remember the stories my grandfather told about being in WWII. It breaks my heart.
Your poetry shows respect yet it also shows the longing to be free from whatever the restraints are--- religious, political, emotional, family.
Your poetry, if it were bound and sold, I would be on your mailing list. Well done!, GM. I find myself looking for your work first, when I sign on.
Thank you for your views of the world, in your unbiased and unprejudiced way. You are so very good!
yeah 5 + ;)
~ nj
Ashesh9almost 10 years agoIn this Poem , GM :5-ed !
