- Erotic Poetry
- rising to risa
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Click herein nightfire light of neardark bright tree vaulted skies
whisper splay wind swayed pillars stand astride
as exciting as legs as expectant inviting lovers
hark hark here she comes gloaming bright
through back mountain or over woody wood
which wind winds as open as an ocean
such thrusts tips of tongues or soft brush teeth turns
across expanding exposing flesh exploring in and in
soft sparks of tiny secret desires alight the night
so soft spicy musky in scents with paper wings
she casts her smoky web of visions and well woven words
I am drawn to ring in sketchy curascuro limelight lines
and down and down I go, round and round I go
from stone to smooth worn stone again again again
each an echo of another era;
call to a call placed person to person
faeries in our telephone lines, in laptop dances
whisps of will wearing away at our resistance
find a way through our newfound frontier fey
seeking shrouded solace in winter solstice shades
a dark warm musty cave to curl turn down in
to let the world pass as we watch their shadows
dance on wall playing at guessing their true shape
laughing as we knowingly know our own
- COMMENTS
LeBrozover 16 years agoThis stands in stark contrast to the other piece posted on the 7th, "dance for the evening", which was a much easier read. I concur with Jim's thoughts here that you've got a bit much going here and with some trimming this could be as easy a read as "dance...".
jthserraover 16 years agobut "you had me at hello" as they said in the movie. In other words I think you need to do some heavy trimming, it's simply overmodified.
"in nightfire light of neardark bright tree vaulted skies"
------------tree-vaulted skies is stunning, but "neardark bright" weakens the image and though I see the wordplay with light, I still think the image is the poem here.
"I am drawn to ring in sketchy curascuro limelight lines"
------------ curascuro lines is wonderful, but again the rest of the modifiers are distracting.
You have a powerful poem with some overwhelming imagery in here, you just have to carve it out.
Nicely done,
Jim : )
lorencinoover 16 years agoand it works like the orchestration of the toreador on the heated crowd.
