Rose

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88 words
4
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The feel of her supple touch to mine
A feeling so sublime
She is my goddess, my divine

My young, beautiful muse
Something I could never just use
And abuse
Like a worn pair of shoes

Her locks curl and fall over my face
As she lies upon me in my embrace
Finally having the soul I have chased

Her lips touch mine, delicate and gentle
Like the petals of a rose, reversing the pentacle
Of time in my mind to a literal
Heaven, oh so spiritual

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3 Comments
buttersbuttersabout 13 years ago
i believe this has heart to it

it is saying what you want to say. however, to achieve a more polished poem, you now need to keep a grip of those sentiments and work out a better way of saying what you want to say.

never force a line to get the rhyme. it's better to allow your poem to find its way like a river running naturally than to constrict it with ugly concrete banks.

good luck and keep writing!

vrosej10vrosej10about 13 years ago
~

I am giving you four because I am kind of flattered.

UnderYourSpellUnderYourSpellabout 13 years ago
~

If you're going to write in rhyming couplets do try to get the meter right

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